The Path of Danger

I was reminded this week of an incident I witnessed when I was young, in my early twenties, while vacationing in a little resort town here in Manitoba. Bob and I and our friends were outside our cottage when we saw a young couple and their toddler walking by. Without warning the little girl dashed between two parked cars and toward the street, while a car was travelling in her direction. The parents, of course, were there in an instant, grabbing her back to safety. What disturbed me at the time was how they reacted-they yelled at her to never do that again, and kind of shook her to make their point clear. I thought they were way over the top and honestly, I chalked them up as bad, almost abusive, parents. I mean really. Why would you yell at your child for such an innocent thing?

What puzzled me later in the same week, was that when I observed them interacting as a family at the pool and around town, they seemed a normal, loving family. Why, if this was the case, had they reacted in such an "angry" way when their girl toddled into the path of danger? Shouldn't they have just reacted in love and relief?

Now that I am a parent, I totally get their reaction. There is something so raw and uninhibited in the fear of a parent as they see their child run into the path of danger. I know now that anger is a natural reaction, and that it is the fear talking at those moments. Fear born out of immeasurable love. So the parents I was observing reacted the same way most of us would have in the same situation, and probably have.

Why is this on my mind? Because I have been asking myself lately why I react in certain ways when my teenage children make decisions or say things that "scare" me. I read the books. I determine in my heart to react calmly, to let them express themselves, to listen without judgement. But when faced with situations in their lives out of my control I do exactly what I don't want to do. I show my fear by raising my voice, by putting my foot down way too soon, by wanting to "fix things" my way.

And now I know why. I'm afraid. Afraid they will run even farther into the path of danger and destruction. That out of my reach, they will get hurt. And I react in a raw and natural manner.

I'm not saying it is the right reaction. In fact, I think this realization is another step closer to learning how to be the parent I want to be, which means making some changes. Which means learning to be quiet and loving when every part of me screams "No!" and "What were you thinking?".

Once again, I have to thank my Lord, for letting me witness that event in that family's life, and for letting me remember it all these years. And then for using it to gently guide me in the right direction. I pray that it is not in vain.