Holiday Funk

Anyone else out there in a holiday funk?

That's what I call the laziness/lack of motivation that comes after waaaay too much rich food, disrupted schedules, and the delightful permission to relax once the busyness of Christmas is over.

I love this time of year-no other time has fewer pressures than the week after the celebrations-but it amazes me how sluggish I can become. Ideas of projects I could tackle with the extra time, closets I could organize, etc, flit in and out of my mind, but never really manage to settle for long enough for me to muster up the energy to actually start them. I long for something to do in my boredom, but just can't seem to get down to doing anything worthwhile.

Thank goodness the holiday schedule ends next week! As much as I love the break, I know I am happiest when I have deadlines and responsibilities. So, for now I will enjoy the rest and look forward to the motivation that will come next week.

Not promising anything with the closets though.....

Blessed Christmas!

I just want to take a moment to stop by here to wish all of you a very blessed, beautiful Christmas. May you have many moments of real joy as you reflect on what an incredible gift we've been given. The Son of God to save us. What love!

I pray that time with family and friends will be refreshing and full of love, and that overall, you will look back at this special time with fond memories.

Enjoy.

Treasures of the Snow

 No, this post is not about the value of snow. With -30 something windchill factors these days and blizzard warnings, I'm not thinking I'll find many treasures out there!

This post is rather about a beautiful story of forgiveness and it's power in our lives that impacted me greatly when I was a young girl.

Many years ago my Aunt gave me the book Treasures in the Snow by Patricia St. John. I was an avid reader, so I was excited about the gift (not a given for gifts from aunts, but this aunt had a knack for knowing what I would like). Of course, I dove right in, and unknowingly began the journey that would end in my salvation. My parents brought my to Sunday School fairly regularly at this point in my life, but that was the extent of any teaching about faith, so while the seeds had been planted by SS teachers and watered through the prayers of extended family, it was through the reading of this book that for the first time I grasped the offer of forgiveness and salvation. I don’t remember the exact moment or day of my decision, I just remember that it was through the story that I received Jesus into my life and heart.

I have read the book countless times in my youth and even adulthood, and I’ve read it through once to my children. I plan on reading it again this Christmas season to my youngest daughter, since she was very little when I read it to them the first time. It’s a simple story, but full of beautiful relationships and truth, so I look forward to visiting the mountains of Switzerland through it once more.

I am humbled by the impact of a simple gift. My aunt probably has no idea of the influence she had in my life (I must tell her soon), but I am challenged to consider who in my life could use the simple but timeless Truth told to them. I am prompted to consider the value of sharing the Truth with others, not worrying over much about whether or not they will agree or value it right away. I am also prompted to plant seeds and water them through prayer, just like others in my life have done for me.

The story of forgiveness and redemption is ageless. Let’s continue to share it.

What Else

You know what else I love about Christmas? The secrets.

How can I not love a celebration that causes my 60 something parents to giggle and tease and sneak presents into the house? I grin from ear to ear when I see them do it-and they do it every year.

How can I not love a season in which my "too cool to care" teenagers can be found under the tree shaking presents with a twinkle of expectation in their eyes. They'll go to amazing lengths to try and get a clue or a slip up of the truth out of me, loving the whole game.

One of those same teenagers, who's never been able to sleep on Christmas eve, will still not be able to sleep this Christmas eve. He just can’t, because he’s so excited.

And so am I. This year will be no different than the others, and my heart will be full as I watch it all again.

Sappy, I know, but real, and in the midst of recession and hate and heartache, let’s embrace a season of loving secrets and surprises.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

Hamilton Wright Mabie

I love Christmas! I love a season, like the quote above mentions, in which even the most jaded or cynical of people look for ways of expressing or receiving love. It's OK for us to buy or make little expressions of our love and appreciation at this time of year, like it is in no other. It's still OK in many places to be singing about Jesus and His love in public places. We light up our houses, string lights and tinsel on anything that stands still, and feast. We make the time and effort to see or connect with people we seldom see the rest of the year.

All of it to celebrate the greatest of all gifts-Jesus.

I freely admit that all of this also leads to ridiculous levels of stress, expectations, and expense, but still, how beautiful that most of the world (even those who don't believe it) marks this special remembrance with celebration. Let us freely celebrate and honor God's gift and presence to and in our world. May our hearts and deeds reflect our acknowledgment of His love and sacrifice and the change in us because of them.

That's something to celebrate!

Healing

OK. I'm back after a long hiatus. Not a planned one. Just one that happened.
Bob had a planned surgery at the end of October that ended up being more involved than we had anticipated, which translates to a longer recovery than we had anticipated, schedules that are thrown off, and energy spent in different ways than usual.
He is doing well now, but in the last 4 1/2 weeks I've had time to consider healing and was interested to find that spiritual and physical healing have many similarities. Whether the healing is the result of loss, wounds inflicted by others, or even the fallout of decisions you yourself have made, healing takes time and work. Here are some thoughts:

1) The process of healing involves significant pain.
2) There are moments, especially at the beginning of the journey, where you wonder and doubt you will ever feel well again. The road seems endless and the memories of previous wholeness fade quickly. You can't imagine ever feeling well again. It's tough to keep going at this point.
3) The love of friends and family is incredibly encouraging, motivating you to continue the work of healing. You are often unable to express this appreciation as they come alongside you to encourage you, but the truth remains. Their understanding and support save you from despair.
4) The friends and family of someone struggling to heal feel helpless and find it difficult to stand by and watch someone they love, hurt.
5) As the healing progresses, glimmers of wellness emerge, and you begin to hope again for the day you will be well.
6) For every glimmer of wellness, there is a set back, and the discouragement at those times is very real.
7) Moving ahead too quickly results in set backs as well. Slowly allowing the healing that is often unseen takes discipline and patience, not to mention trust in the Healer. Running ahead of His plan and timing often hurts more than helps.
8) Healing does come. Not nearly as quickly as we would like, but it comes. And not usually because of something we've actually done, but because of resting and trusting in the Hand of the Healer.
9) And then the day comes when we are whole and well again. The memory of the pain does not go away, but the realization of how far we've come humbles and moves us to thankfulness. The scars remain, pointing to where we've been, but also testifying to how far we've come.

I praise our Healer, Who loves us enough to allow us to go through the pain with Him in order to heal and grow. His patience and grace humble and move me as I consider how He draws us through these times.

A Fortress

"There will always be a million nagging tugs on our time and
attention, and somewhere in the middle of all the tugging it is
essential we build a fortress wherein only God, His words,
and our heart exist together for a time.
It rarely happens accidentally."
(Kelly Minter, "No Other Gods")

I read this today in preparation for a study I'm leading tomorrow and the truth in it really hit me. There's been much conversation around me lately about why we aren't reading the Word, and why our relationships with Jesus aren't growing. We ask ourselves and each other why it's not a priority and what we have to do to have time to read our Bibles and be with God.

I think this statement answers the question and offers the solution. I love the image of "building a fortress", since a fortress doesn't happen by accident, nor does it rise up over night. It is intentional, protecting, and solid. May my time alone with Jesus be the same.

I welcome your thoughts and further comments on this topic. I’ve only scratched the surface here-what can you add?

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving here in Canada so I am taking a moment to list some things I don't want to take for granted. Of course, this could never be an exhaustive list, but here goes anyway:

-a beautiful corner of the world to live in
-breathtaking fall colours on the trees that lasted way longer than usual this year
-my friends and family living near by
-a great job with perfect hours and flexibility when I need it
--Bob having his dream job-so clearly a gift from God
-safety in worship and in everyday life
--friendships that you thought had faded away but have now been renewed
-new “blogger” friends that encourage me, teach me, and make me laugh
-strength that could never be your own to do the tasks you've been given
-a cozy, full of personality cat named Dennis curled up beside me
-people who know the real you-but love you anyway
-a husband who so faithfully models Christ's love and sacrifice on a daily basis
-having children with such great senses of humor that you regularly roll with laughter
-seeing growth in those same children as they face life's challenges and pain
-seeing growth in myself (never as much as there should be-but growth all the same)
-the promise that some day soon we will be with Jesus and in a place where there will be no more tears and no more sorrow. I long for that day.

So, with a thankful heart I wish you and yours a very special Thanksgiving .

Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakeable, let us be thankful
and please God by worshipping him with holy fear and awe.
Hebrews 12:28

Hold on to Your Kids

I went to a seminar last night that was taught by a Dr. Gordon Neufeld. I have a friend who had read one of his books (I believe by the same name-Hold on to Your Kids) and really liked it, so I thought I would make the time to attend this free offering. The seminar really was good-it clarified so many things and gave hope.
Dr. Neufeld's focus is on relationship. He says that children in good relationship with their parents are easy to teach and parent. They trust you and move to the place in their relationship with you in which they desire to please and emulate you. He had some very good points, which I won't begin to try and write here, but the focus was on "Do you have your child's heart?" He reminded us that even with a multi billion dollar industry in parenting help, we are losing our kids at a record rate. It's not a "how-to" issue, it's a heart issue.
So, I want to hold onto my kids and I certainly want their hearts. I want to delight in them and enjoy them and meet them where they are, so that they in turn know that my love for them is solid-it will never change. I want them to know that no matter what, they have parents who will do their job of parenting. In a world that offers fleeting pleasure and empty promises, I want our home to be stable and safe. A sanctuary filled with love. Sounds easy, but it's so easy to lose sight of!
Here's a link to his sight, if you're interested. I encourage you to check it out. He'll say it much better than I ever could! http://www.gordonneufeld.com/

Peace

God's been faithfully teaching me about peace lately, and I'm thankful.

Peace is one of those fruits of the Spirit that we can so easily take for granted or even diminish in importance, I think. We talk about World Peace and sing about it, especially at Christmas, but do we embrace and explore its potential on a daily, nitty gritty basis? I know it's something I've glossed over all too often and I'm thankful for God's gentle insistence that I pay attention.

Bob and I are in the midst of being challenged by God to follow Him in obedience in a certain area of our life. There are certainly moments in which I would dearly love to keep things the way they are-comfortable-and not follow Him where He is leading. But every time I begin thinking that way, any peace I have gets up and leaves. So what it comes down to is: obedience=peace. Even when the obedience costs me comfort and ease (two of my favorite things) the peace I experience is worth anything I may have to give up or do.

Is there anything in this world worth more than His peace in my life? I can't think of it, if there is. I would rather have His peace in the midst of heartache, turmoil, and uncertainty, than anything this world or my disobedience can offer.

I was blown away today by the realization that His peace rules in the midst of evil and destruction, too, and that when I am discouraged and disheartened by what goes on around me, I can claim and cling to that peace. I praise Him.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Another Try

I made another pot of soup. Ivan said, "This soup tastes funny."

What have I done??????
(see 2nd last post)

Courage

Ivan had a football game yesterday and beginning early in the day I prayed very specifically for certain things for him and his team. I asked for protection-both physically and emotionally for Ivan and his team mates. I really didn't want to see my boy hurt. I asked for a real courage for Ivan, as he tends to hold back a bit in the play because of his tendency to be shy. Funny that he loves football so much! But I asked God to fill him with courage so that he would experience the satisfaction that comes from taking a risk. And then I boldly asked God, if it was within His will, to give Ivan's team a win. Selfish, I know, but I thought it was OK to humbly ask.

Long story short-as I was driving around a city I don’t live in, looking for the nearest hospital so that Ivan’s wrist could be x-rayed, I had to ask God why he hadn’t answered my prayers. It wasn’t long before God graciously pointed out that He had. Ivan was showing an incredible courage in the face of much pain and in the possibility of his football season coming to an early end. He was protected in the fact that we found an emergency room that was not crowded, and with a doctor who was gentle and caring and thorough. Not what I asked for at all, and yet so much more!

I love my God. I love His faithfulness and provision. I love that I can trust Him to do what is best, even when I ask for and want “easy”.

I have to say though, that it is hard being a Mom of a 13 year old boy! When he was in pain, I wanted nothing more than to hold him on my lap and comfort him, but we are in a stage where we show our love in different ways other than touch (and this with a boy that used to be my constant shadow and “cling-on”). I am totally OK with this stage and with allowing him to grow up and become a man, but oh, how many times I reached out to touch him yesterday, only to stop my hand before I made him feel awkward. I suppose part of letting him grow up and exhibit that very courage I asked for, is to let him deal with his pain in his own way. I know deep inside he was glad I was there and that he needed me, but it’s the outward display of his need that I miss. Maybe Ivan isn’t the only one who needs courage.

As for the other prayer I prayed: Ivan’s team lost. Badly. But I am trusting God in that as well. How could I not?

What Have I Done?

I am sitting here and wondering if I've made a terrible mistake, one that will haunt me for the rest of my years. One that impacts my family and their well being.

You see, I sold Bob's grandmother's soup pot. I know you're thinking, "That's it? THAT's the big confession? So what?" Or maybe you're thinking, "You did what? How could you?" Either way, I understand.

For the first years of our marriage, I tried valiantly to fulfill my Mennonite woman role as a homemaker, which of course, involves the making of delicious soup-without a recipe! I failed though, until the fateful day I inherited the soup pot of Bob's dear grandmother, who raised 17 (yes-17) children and, I'm thinking, made a lot of soup! What was interesting to note was that right after I inherited the pot, I began to make very good soup. We always jokingly said that the ability came with the soup pot. At least I thought it was a joke.

Bob and I are in the process of weeding things out of our life and home that bog us down and hold us back. Over the last few weeks we have emptied many closets and cupboards of things we've held on to over the years (truly amazing. I recommend it) and which we really don't need any longer. When I got to the cupboard with my pots I realized that I never use The Soup Pot any more, since I have 3 very nice, new large pots that I use in its stead. So I made the difficult decision to let it go.

I SOLD IT FOR 50 CENTS! To a gentleman who was going to use it for the aluminum. Again, Bob and I joked that there went my soup making ability. At least I thought it was a joke.

The other night I made a pot of chicken soup, my daughter's favorite. Except she doesn't like this batch. She says "It stinks". I didn't think anything of it until today, when I mentioned it to Bob, he replied "YOU SOLD THE POT!" (A statement that taken out of context, would be disturbing.)

Anyway, that leads me here, to a place of seller's remorse and dismay. Will I ever make good soup again?

I want my Soup Pot back......

New Look

Isn't this new look to my blog just too cute? Oh wait-that's the name of the site that I got the template from. Good name!

Anyway, it's a sign of progress if someone like me can actually pull off changing her blog page by herself. Not my gift, but I did it anyway!

If anyone still reads this blog, you may have noticed that it's been quiet here for at least a week. It seems that my head only has room for so and so much, and these days that room is full of plans for our church's VBS. A friend and I are co-directing it and while it's a lot of fun, it is a lot of mental work. So, no mental energy to take the time to sit down and write. VBS is over in 2 weeks, so stay tuned. I have a few ideas rattling around in my brain-things I'd like to write out and share.

Until then-enjoy some of these last beautiful weeks of summer!

Listening

I have a new pet peeve.

Or maybe it's not new, I've just run into it so many times in the last week or two that I have to vent about it. Whatever the case, you get to hear about it now.

I am frustrated with people who act like they are listening to you , but really aren't. Worse, they ask you a question and then never really listen to your answer. Why did you ask me, if you didn't care about the answer?

Plus, I have run into people who act like they are listening to me when I am voicing a concern or frustration, and then jump in when I am done and basically tell me that I shouldn't let it bother me. I know very well that I can't let small frustrations take over and get me down, and try not to do that, but sometimes, when you think it's safe, you want to share a bit of what you are dealing with. I guess it's not always safe.

Sometimes, you don't need an answer, you need a listening ear and understanding.

And then, after I vent this, I have to ask myself how often I have done these very things. And I have to face that I have probably done it, especially to my children, more times than I want to admit to. So, let it be known here that I will try to LISTEN to my kids (and friends) and let them voice their fears, concerns, frustrations, etc. without offering a quick answer.

Listening can be hard! Jumping in and fixing things or trying to make the problem go away is so tempting. May I learn to be patient and allow my loved ones the freedom and space to work through things on their own and a safe place to do that. And, to value them enough to give them my full attention when they are telling me what's on their mind.

Look what the wind blew in....

Bob and I had such fun last night, surprising Emilie with something she's wanted for a long time. She's assured us many times over the last couple of years that if only she had a trampoline, she would spend ALL her time outside. The budget didn't allow this incentive to spend time in the great outdoors, though, until this week when friends offered theirs to us at a price we couldn't pass up. So Bob arranged that they would drop it off secretly last night to a spot on the yard that Emilie couldn't see from inside, and later, when Emilie was getting ready for bed, he set it up in the back yard.
What fun to wait for her to find it this morning! A thunderstorm rolled through during the night and I think for just a split second this morning I had her convinced that the wind had blown it onto our yard.
Anyway, just had to share a great moment for us. I love it when we can do something unexpected for the kids.
(I'd have a picture, but our camera is on holiday in Yellowknife at the moment).

Diary of a 42 year old Jogger

6 am: The alarm is going off already????? It's too early! Hit the snooze button!
6:30 am: Well, I guess I should get up and get out there for my run. Maybe in a few more minutes...
6:40 am: OK OK , I'm going. If I don't go soon it will be too warm.
6:50 am: If bending over to put my shoes on is this hard, what will a run be like?
6:52 am: Hmm, beautiful morning. Glad I'm out here.
6:53 am: Good start to my run, I'm feeling not too bad.
1/2 mile: Yikes-those leg muscles are complaining already? I've only just started! How will I keep going further than even a mile? Maybe I'll keep it short today. Take it easy on myself.
3/4 mile: This is hard! How did I do 3 1/2 miles two days ago? I must be crazy to think I could do this again!
1 mile: Well, I made it at least a mile. I've got to hit that "groove" soon, right? It'll get easier, right?
1 1/4 miles: A short run wouldn't be too bad-after all, I'm only disappointing myself. My loss. (Or not, in the case of weight. I guess I'll keep going!)
1 1/2 miles: Is fitness really all it's cracked up to be? I mean really-is something this hard really that good for us? I could be at home enjoying the morning on my deck with a cup of coffee-no pain involved.
2 miles: I made 2! Not too bad. I guess I'll go for 3.
2 1/4 miles: It's getting a bit easier. Maybe I'll go for 3 1/2 and at least match my last run.
2 1/2 miles: A mother deer and her fawn! How absolutely gorgeous! Thank You Lord, for encouragement when I needed it! I think I can keep going.
3 miles: Well, I made it this far. I think I can do another 1/2 mile...
3 1/2 miles: You know what-I'm going for all 4! I haven't run 4 for years, but I think I can do it today!
3 3/4 miles: Is that the Rocky theme song I hear??
4 miles: I did it! I did it! Whew-that was hard, but so worth it!


And there you have it-a small peak into my mind as I struggle down the road. Every single morning that I'm out there I am reminded of the parallel between running and my spiritual life. This "diary" could easily be my thoughts as I go through my spiritual walk. Stepping out of safety and comfort to be challenged and to gain strength is difficult. I do it, but I generally hit that "wall" of pain and discouragement, not too mention weariness. There are moments of wondering if I wouldn't be better off back in my comfort zone. There are moments of rationalizing going back and quitting. And then, come moments of satisfaction and even of direct encouragement from God. They couldn't be from anyone else, so I keep going. And before I know it, I have gone farther than I've ever gone before. The joy in that moment is exhilarating and though it doesn't erase the pain and struggle that were a part of the journey, it makes it all worth while.

"And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Hebrews 12:1b-2a.

Intended for Good

I am moved today by the incredible blessing of the internet. In just the last couple of weeks I have been connected through it with several Godly women who write about their lives, their walk with God, and most importantly, about Him. I have been encouraged, made to laugh, moved to tears, and so incredibly blessed by words that reflect God's love and provision for us. What a gift in this world of busy lives that make relationship difficult! I have to confess to feelings of loneliness of late, but also have to confess to God's goodness as He has provided connection for me through something I have access to most of the time-the World Wide Web. How like our God to bring so much good out of something that also has the potential to harm. Today I praise Him for His sovereignty and for Godly women who serve Him with their words.

Rude awakening

I am soooo tired.
Bob and I were quite tired last night and were both very happy to have the opportunity to go to bed at a decent time-something's that hard to do on most nights. I fell asleep promptly and was as fast asleep as it is possible to be without the help of medication when the neighbour's dog frantically barked right outside our bedroom window. At 2:15 am. Talk about being jolted awake!
Our mama cat has 5 very cute kittens right now (want one?) and they have been spending their time on our deck. This particular dog, who happens to have a taste for kittens, has discovered this and stops by every now and then to visit. Each time he's come he has been chased away, injured (body and pride), by the mama, but for some strange reason he keeps coming back for more.
So last night at 2:15 AM he was loudly escorted off the premises, thereby interupting our blissful sleep. And you know how it is when you get woken up so quickly-you can't sleep again for a while. In our case-not until 3:30. And the alarm goes off at 6. Coffee anyone?
I do have to say though that I respect mama cat for her faithful protection of her babies. Neighbour dog is BIG - part Rotweiler and part German Shepherd. She's one tough cookie to fight him off. She's my hero today.
Now for some coffee.....

Pretty

A short while ago Bob and I and our kids were at the cabin with my parents. The morning schedule was such that I didn’t feel the need to do the usual hair and makeup routine, which is one of the best things of being out at the lake.
No one to impress or at the very least no one that would think any less of me for not trying to look my best. What struck me though as the day went on and I became a little self conscious was that in the eyes of my Dad and
husband, I was beautiful. They probably hadn’t even noticed that anything was different! For that moment I saw myself the way they see me and I was moved and humbled. They hadn’t said anything and to this day have no idea I even had these thoughts, but right then, I KNEW that they love me simply because of who I am and because I am their daughter or wife. They’ve told me that countless times, but on that day, I actually got it and believed it. I am moved by such a pure love and humbled as I address my insecurities and vanity in light of such love and acceptance.

Now, I know that despite my daily attempts at looking my best, I will never be model material or even head turning. I know that and I’m OK with that. What this has revealed to me is how much value I have been putting on my image and appearance. I wanted people to see me at my best at all times so that they would think (I knew the real truth) that I had it together and was worthy of their admiration. Boy, that’s ugly when I write it down, but as I study “No Other Gods” by Kelly Minter, God is revealing these areas of my life in which I have been putting way too much value and I think this is one of them. The very cool thing is that as He revealed this one to me that day, He did it through the very real love of the two most important men in my life. What grace and gentleness!

The other incredible thing this has revealed to me is that now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of that truth, I am motivated in a different way to be beautiful for them. Funny how the freedom to not worry about how I looked on the outside has motivated me to be my best for them. I want them to be proud of me and to take delight in me. So I do what I can to look fresh and pretty, but now with complete freedom . The difference is significant because it comes from a feeling of acceptance, not a need to impress others. If I am honest with myself , my attempts at beauty before this were not for them, but for the people out there that I wanted to have a good impression of me. It was a cover.

The real beauty that comes from real love and acceptance is worth a thousand times more than any admiration someone could give you for what’s on the surface.

I love that this revelation also addresses my relationship with Jesus. He sees me as beautiful too. Not because I have it together, but because I am His daughter and because He values who I am in Him. The freedom that comes from that moves me and humbles me as well, and in that I am drawn to Him in a new way. Nothing I do on the outside will affect His love, yet somehow, knowing that causes me to want to obey Him and stay near Him. Such purity and freedom! It can only be found in Him and I am thankful.

Lies

I am feeling the sting of rejection, and it hurts. And like the sting of an insect, the pain doesn’t go quickly, it lingers and aches even after the initial shock is over.

I feel like I am shouting words of love that simply aren’t heard. How could things go so wrong when we started out with such hope and promise?

How can my love not be enough?

Someone I love more than my own life can’t see that I do. Somewhere along the way lies have been spoken into her ears and she has accepted them as truth. I am reminded of something I read earlier this week- “Satan will tell us what’s true, but he never tells us the truth.” (Michael Wells) Some of what this person is clinging to is true, but it is not the truth. What destruction comes from this!

And then I am challenged to remember that once again, God knows exactly how I feel. How often does He shout words of love into my life that I simply don’t hear? How often do I buy the lies when the truth is right in front of me? His heart must ache as He waits for me to see His Truth.

So I will wait too. Wait for her eyes to be opened and for her heart to be ready to accept what is here for her. Not perfection, but true nonetheless.

May that day come quickly.

I'm baaaack...

If I still have anyone out there who occasionally drops by to see if I've written any words here- thank you and sorry for the dry spell.

It's not a coincidence that I ran out of energy and things to say exactly when I started home schooling my girls. While we so clearly felt God's guidance and leading as we made the decision of whether or not to bring the girls home to finish their school year, and while it's been an amazing experience, it has taken up any residual brain energy I may have had.

I am so thankful for this opportunity and enjoy having the girls at home, but it is a lot of work. I typically spend 1-2 hours an evening preparing work for Emilie, which basically equals any "down time" I used to have. My mornings also include some last minute prep, which takes at least 15-30 minutes more.

I am really enjoying the prep and studying I have to do and Emilie soaks up everything I send her way, which makes the prep a lot of fun, too. I wish so much that I wasn't working as well as schooling the girls, because what fun we would have if we had whole days together to explore!

Katy has struggled some with remaining focused and driven, but the change in her and the loss of the stress that came from being in the High School environment has been remarkable and so worth while. My girl was suffering and again, I am thankful that she could come home to heal and to grow. It hasn't been easy, not by a long shot, but it has been and continues to be worthwhile.

So, all that to explain why even though God has been faithfully teaching me and drawing me closer, I've had nothing to write down here. I do feel the stirrings again and I'm so grateful. I think there was a part of me that was worried that the "spilling over" that happened on this blog had dried up. I loved having a place to spill out what God was teaching me-because when He teaches-there's more truth and love than I can hold! It has to go somewhere!

Anyway, if anyone does read this, consider these rambling thoughts as my commitment and stated desire to keep going here and to keep telling of His faithfulness in my life. I love to hear from you-take a moment and tell me if you dropped by.

Discouraged?

I just have to take a few minutes here at work and say out loud (in writing anyway) that I am choosing to trust God in the face of discouragement. Church life has it's ups and downs, good and bad, just like every other part of life, and somedays that just gets to a person. That is, if I don't go to my knees in submission and petition before God.

I know for me, before Him is where things change and my perspective gains balance again. Before Him, the problems don't seem so big. Before Him, I am reminded that He is ultimately Lord, and even if things are not going the way I think they should, He is still there and is still working it together for good. Oh how I love that I can trust His faithfulness!

I'm so thankful that today, on a day that has brought some unexpected discouragement, I also received some unexpected encouragement through some very real answers to a long prayed prayer for someone I love very much. I am reminded again that He is bigger than I give Him credit for and that His timing is best, by a long shot.

So what am I saying? Good question. I'm writing on the fly here with thoughts going in several directions, one of those thoughts being that I should be working on something else, but I just have to say again that going to Jesus with everything is the key to real peace. If I bring Him my dashed hopes, my frustration, my weakness, disappointment in others, and all those other discouraging things, I see them in a different light and gain fresh hope and fresh eyes to see all that is good and all that He is doing. Isn't that cool? I will gladly bow before Him for that!

Thanks for listening. I feel better now....

Happy Birthday

My brother Ken would have turned 40 today.

One night, 3 1/2 years ago, in the blink of an eye, he was gone from us, leaving a gaping hole in our family that we will never be able to fill.

There's been healing, definitely, but sometimes the pain is still so acute I could physically double over. It's only by God's glorious, boundless grace that my parents, Bob and I and our kids, and most of all Ken's wife and girls, have been able to go on without his laugh, crazy sense of humour and tender love.

How I would love to still have him here, so I could make a big deal about his 40th birthday! I'd call him and tease him and somehow let him know I was proud of him and that I love my little brother.

But instead of doing that, I will remember him in a special way today and treasure the memories of so much love and laughter. I will treasure this day with my family and friends, knowing there are no guarantees of more time. I will thank my God for giving me a brother like Ken to love and remember and then praise Him for being our Comforter and Strength. He is good.

Happy Birthday, Ken.

To such as these....

I call this photo...FAITH.

My little girl Emilie seems to have a lot of it!

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

OK, before I slip down into a pit of cold despair as a result of this seemingly endless winter, I want to think of reasons to be thankful for cold weather (-35 Celsius for how long now?) and snow.

1) No yard work.
2) My children have hope every night that school will be canceled the next morning because of extreme windchills. It's good for kids to have hope.
3) The walk to the bus every morning makes them stronger and gives them stories to tell their children. "When I was your age...."
4) A quick trip to put out the garbage gives your face a rosy glow that would take a couple of hours at the beach in summer. It's a real time saver!
5) A sunny day isn't taken for granted. Sun dogs are pretty.
6) My kids are stuck at home more, so they have no where to go when I start telling stories. "When I was your age...."
7) The snow conceals the fact that I should not be quite so optimistic about my gardening abilities. No one sees my failure in winter. (Right?)
8) No yard work.


That's all I can think of right now. My mind is numb. From the cold. Have I mentioned it's cold?

I'm really not that down about it, but I do long for the break to this cold spell. How about you? My warmer climate friends may not be able to relate, but you do get to gloat, so I hope you enjoy this anyway!

Friends, add to my list. Let's think of things we can like about this extreme cold!

To end, here's a favorite verse from the Song of Solomon

"Look, the winter is past,
and the rains (snow) are over and gone.
The flowers are springing up,
the season of singing birds has come,
and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.

The fig trees are forming young fruit,
and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.
Rise up my darling!
Come away with me , my fair one!"

Longing for that day,
Iris

Sunday's a'comin!

I've been thinking about my church family this week. It started last Sunday in the ladies SS class I attend, while we were talking about worship and the people we worship with.

Sometimes I like to look at my church through different eyes than normal, and pretend that I'm reading a book about this community and it's people. I love seeing people I've known my whole life this way because their quirks and personalities tend to be endearing rather than annoying. God in His grace has given us an incredible gift when he gave us communities to worship and grow in. I love it that he planned it this way, rather than leaving me to go it alone.

And in turn gives me the chance, as I sit in the service and look around, to pray for people I love who are fighting cancer, the effects of old age, the pain of losing someone dear, discouragement in their families or jobs... And then there's the hidden pain sitting in those pews. Unseen battles being fought.

What a privilege to be a part of the support and strength for what could be described as a motley crew, but because of God is a beautiful body of believers!

This Sunday I was also moved to be thankful for another gracious gift-the privilege of worshiping my Savior beside these people and to enjoy the bond that comes from being one in purpose and focus. To sing together to our God and to know in that moment that anything that may threaten to draw us apart or divide cannot prevail if we are in unity and in Him. It's a beautful thing, and I don't want to take it for granted. I love that it is just the tiniest taste of what is coming in Glory.

So, these are my decidely rambling thoughts. As you can tell, I can't quite put it into words, but I wanted to try. I wanted to enjoy and savor it and to say thank you to Jesus for loving us enough to call us to unity. And for making a much less than perfect collection of sinful believers into something beautiful that reflects His glory.

See you on Sunday!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here’s Emilie this morning, with her requested (gluten free) heart shaped pancakes. They're a little tradition here at our house for her, and she loves it. So do I.

And sometimes you just have to take a picture to remind yourself in the down times that every now and then you do go the extra mile to make memories for your kids!

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dear family and friends.

May you experience His immeasurable love today.

GNO!

Going on a Girls Night Out tonight!
I have much to weigh me down these days, but tonight I am choosing to entrust those things to my Savior, and to enjoy the company of friends and a chick flick (27 Dresses).
Today I am thankful for friends, for my Best Friend, and for the privilege of trusting Him.

Hope you are finding strength in Him today too!

The Path of Danger

I was reminded this week of an incident I witnessed when I was young, in my early twenties, while vacationing in a little resort town here in Manitoba. Bob and I and our friends were outside our cottage when we saw a young couple and their toddler walking by. Without warning the little girl dashed between two parked cars and toward the street, while a car was travelling in her direction. The parents, of course, were there in an instant, grabbing her back to safety. What disturbed me at the time was how they reacted-they yelled at her to never do that again, and kind of shook her to make their point clear. I thought they were way over the top and honestly, I chalked them up as bad, almost abusive, parents. I mean really. Why would you yell at your child for such an innocent thing?

What puzzled me later in the same week, was that when I observed them interacting as a family at the pool and around town, they seemed a normal, loving family. Why, if this was the case, had they reacted in such an "angry" way when their girl toddled into the path of danger? Shouldn't they have just reacted in love and relief?

Now that I am a parent, I totally get their reaction. There is something so raw and uninhibited in the fear of a parent as they see their child run into the path of danger. I know now that anger is a natural reaction, and that it is the fear talking at those moments. Fear born out of immeasurable love. So the parents I was observing reacted the same way most of us would have in the same situation, and probably have.

Why is this on my mind? Because I have been asking myself lately why I react in certain ways when my teenage children make decisions or say things that "scare" me. I read the books. I determine in my heart to react calmly, to let them express themselves, to listen without judgement. But when faced with situations in their lives out of my control I do exactly what I don't want to do. I show my fear by raising my voice, by putting my foot down way too soon, by wanting to "fix things" my way.

And now I know why. I'm afraid. Afraid they will run even farther into the path of danger and destruction. That out of my reach, they will get hurt. And I react in a raw and natural manner.

I'm not saying it is the right reaction. In fact, I think this realization is another step closer to learning how to be the parent I want to be, which means making some changes. Which means learning to be quiet and loving when every part of me screams "No!" and "What were you thinking?".

Once again, I have to thank my Lord, for letting me witness that event in that family's life, and for letting me remember it all these years. And then for using it to gently guide me in the right direction. I pray that it is not in vain.

Outside

I'm back from my walk.
I try to go every morning, first thing, straight out of bed, sometimes while I'm still asleep. But today I made the mistake of staying in bed after I woke up, thinking and praying, which gave me time as well to consider whether I reaaally wanted to get dressed and go out in the cold, where I'd have to put enough effort to walk 2 miles. I finally got dressed and went out, wondering at first why I thought this was better than being snug and warm in my bed, with time when I got up for a cup of tea and some quiet.

But something cool happens every single time I go out there. The blood starts flowing, I "wake up" and see the beauty around me, and I can't help but be in conversation with God on a very different level than I can in the busyness and distraction of the rest of the day. I'm energized, at peace, and full of praise. Why would I ever be tempted to miss this time?

But I am. Every morning I fight through the decision of whether or not to go. Every morning I choose whether I will do what takes effort or do what is comfortable.

I was almost home this morning when it hit me. I know there are many times I feel God drawing me to "come outside" with Him. To leave behind the comfortable and the easy, and make the decision to fight through the initial discomfort to see what He has for me. I also know from experience that when He has called me to step out of comfort, He has done exactly what happens on my walks. I am energized, woken up, filled with the peace that comes from having a fresh connection with Him. And, like every morning I take a walk, I am so glad I went. I wouldn't ever trade the benefits of having stepped out for the ease of having stayed comfortable.

So, the next time I hear Him calling me to "come outside" I want to go! I want to put aside my natural desire to stay comfortable (where things are easy, where I don't have to be "uncomfortable", where I don't have to make a big effort) and see where He will take me. Is it a new relationship? A challenge in my parenting? Making myself vulnerable in a blog?

Is God calling you to come outside? Let's talk about this here and explore it together.

Iris

Team Player

I love football! Who would've thought that I would develop this new interest at this stage of the game (word play intended)? Until Ivan started to play last summer, I had a very vague perception of what the aim of the game was and what the rules might be, but that's changed, and I love it! At first I thought it was only a natural interest in my son's world, but his season is over and I still love to watch a game, or even, a movie that's about the game.
What do I love? I so enjoy the whole team aspect-how each player is so important and that everyone has to do their job in order for the play to work. I love that heart and commitment and effort are as important as skill or ability. I love that just because you're losing in one quarter, it doesn't mean the game is over or decided. I love the thrill of seeing a player catch a pass and weave and dodge his way through the other team's line and run for a touchdown, or the thrill of someone intercepting a throw and changing the whole play in a split second. What fun!

While watching a game on Sunday I felt myself wishing I could be a part of a team like that. I wanted to have my hard work and effort make a difference to the success of a team and contribute to a win. What would that be like?

Then I realized that I am on a team. Not football of course (have you seen me run or throw?), but on the more significant team of the body of Christ. And in a smaller focus, the body of my church family. Can I apply the team and game angle here? In my church family, does it make a difference if I do my job (serve in my giftedness)? Does my heart and commitment and effort make a difference to the body? Can I stand in the way of the enemy as he tries to take out my teammate? Can I be a part of deflecting an attempt of the enemy to defeat and watch as Jesus turns it into a victory? Can I encourage my team to keep going, even when it looks like we might be losing? Can I make sure my attitude is one of support to my teammates, even though they fall and maybe miss an opportunity? These are just a few thoughts. Think about it and see if you can add to the list (and post it here).

I'm so excited to be a part of the "team". We should get jerseys! (Trust me to bring clothes into the mix.) But seriously, I'm inspired by the thought that my commitment makes a difference to more than just my little world. That I can "block" for my brother or sister in Jesus. That the victory is sure, even though at times it doesn't look like it is.

I love Jesus and how He loves us enough to allow us to participate, growing and learning and building our "muscle" as we do so. That every effort builds on the last and makes us stronger.
He is so good!

" 1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. 3 Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. " Hebrews 12:1-3


Let me know what you think!
Iris

Sunday

It's Sunday and my first thoughts were that I didn't want to go to church. Without even trying, I could think of all the reasons that I wouldn't want to be there. I hate that. I know that it was an attempt by the enemy to distract and discourage me, but I have to ask myself why I was vulnerable to that attack. I'm used to my first thoughts of the day being about Jesus and full of joy and expectation. That's why this threw me and makes me ask myself if I've made myself vulnerable. Not beating myself up, just asking myself some honest questions. But be assured, I will go to Worship this morning. I will bring my sacrifice of praise and will expectantly wait to hear from Him. He is worthy of all my praise (and so much more) and I will gladly serve Him. There. I feel better already.
"Put on a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness....."

Thanks for listening,
Iris
 

Jewels

I've just had the most amazing thing happen. My sister and mother-in-law left last week for a trip to Thailand, in which they would be joining a missionary friend in ministering to women trapped in prostitution. They work with an organization that offers women an alternative for making a living, 
since so many of these women have no 
choice in their vocation, since it's the only thing available to them.
Anyway, they were in touch by e-mail last night and filled us in on their night spent
meeting some of these women. They spent some time in a bar they felt God leading them to and spent time talking to a beautiful, friendly young woman. They were blown away by her beauty and honest smile 
and sweetness. They called her a "jewel".

The day that Mom and my sister left, while having my quiet time, I got the idea to buy them
some tangible reminder of our prayers. The idea of an angel pin came to mind. Now, I often think those can be a bit, how do I say it, "tacky", but on this day they just seemd like the right thing. I wanted them to see it and have it on all the time and remember that we were praying. The fact that the idea came while I was praying seemed significant to me, since I've been known to get caught up in "hairbrained" ideas before that just got me more tired and into trouble, so I'm learning to discern when the idea is His. Anyway, I planned to go later in the day to buy the pins, but as days have a way of doing, this one got away on me. And the doubts started coming-
maybe I was wrong about it being His idea, maybe I was just creating more bother for myself and spending money needlesly, maybe they would wonder why I 
bothered. So I ran the idea past Bob, thinking that as a man, he would  give me the advice to just drop it. It's jewelry for goodness sake! But he didn't. He encouraged me to and so off I went. It took me a while to make up my mind as to what to buy, and for a while I had talked myself into something else, but I felt God pull me back to the pins. So I bought them and delivered them and was confident that I had at least not wasted my time and money. Mom and my sister-in-law were blessed by them and I thought that all was accomplished.

Guess again! Our God is bigger than that! My sister had mentioned while travelling that if God prompted her to give the pin to someone, she would. You guessed it-that "Jewel" is now the owner of that reminder of my prayers! They offered it to her and she wanted it pinned on right away, so when it was her turn to dance, there it was, on her skimpy "bikini", flashing and reflecting light.

What if I hadn't obeyed the prompting? I was so close to talking myself out of it. What if I hadn't been before Him that morning for time alone with Him? I would have missed the quiet in which
to hear Him.

The significance of light in that setting blows me away. Jesus is there-He loves these women and is there. He IS light and He is there.

So, now I am praying for a lovely woman on the other side of the world. I have to- I said I would pray for the person who had the pin! What a privilege to have this connection and opportunity to intercede for a special person so far away.

One of my favorite things about God is how He weaves our lives and experiences together in ways that bring such amazing blessing to us.

I'm still processing what happened-I'm wanting to soak up every ounce of Truth and revelation from this. I have a feeling it will change my perspective and draw me to my quiet time more 
expectantly.

In the meantime, I will bask in one more reflection of His glory! 

That's it for me today. Take care.

A journey of a thousand miles

...begins with a single step.

So this is where I begin my journey into blogging and into a new world.
I'm excited to begin and truly hope that this blog will grow and evolve into something that will encourage my friends, give me a place to pour out the overflow of what God is doing in my life, and bring Him glory.

I welcome your feedback and insight and invite you along on the journey!

Walking with Him,
Iris