Listening

I have a new pet peeve.

Or maybe it's not new, I've just run into it so many times in the last week or two that I have to vent about it. Whatever the case, you get to hear about it now.

I am frustrated with people who act like they are listening to you , but really aren't. Worse, they ask you a question and then never really listen to your answer. Why did you ask me, if you didn't care about the answer?

Plus, I have run into people who act like they are listening to me when I am voicing a concern or frustration, and then jump in when I am done and basically tell me that I shouldn't let it bother me. I know very well that I can't let small frustrations take over and get me down, and try not to do that, but sometimes, when you think it's safe, you want to share a bit of what you are dealing with. I guess it's not always safe.

Sometimes, you don't need an answer, you need a listening ear and understanding.

And then, after I vent this, I have to ask myself how often I have done these very things. And I have to face that I have probably done it, especially to my children, more times than I want to admit to. So, let it be known here that I will try to LISTEN to my kids (and friends) and let them voice their fears, concerns, frustrations, etc. without offering a quick answer.

Listening can be hard! Jumping in and fixing things or trying to make the problem go away is so tempting. May I learn to be patient and allow my loved ones the freedom and space to work through things on their own and a safe place to do that. And, to value them enough to give them my full attention when they are telling me what's on their mind.

Look what the wind blew in....

Bob and I had such fun last night, surprising Emilie with something she's wanted for a long time. She's assured us many times over the last couple of years that if only she had a trampoline, she would spend ALL her time outside. The budget didn't allow this incentive to spend time in the great outdoors, though, until this week when friends offered theirs to us at a price we couldn't pass up. So Bob arranged that they would drop it off secretly last night to a spot on the yard that Emilie couldn't see from inside, and later, when Emilie was getting ready for bed, he set it up in the back yard.
What fun to wait for her to find it this morning! A thunderstorm rolled through during the night and I think for just a split second this morning I had her convinced that the wind had blown it onto our yard.
Anyway, just had to share a great moment for us. I love it when we can do something unexpected for the kids.
(I'd have a picture, but our camera is on holiday in Yellowknife at the moment).

Diary of a 42 year old Jogger

6 am: The alarm is going off already????? It's too early! Hit the snooze button!
6:30 am: Well, I guess I should get up and get out there for my run. Maybe in a few more minutes...
6:40 am: OK OK , I'm going. If I don't go soon it will be too warm.
6:50 am: If bending over to put my shoes on is this hard, what will a run be like?
6:52 am: Hmm, beautiful morning. Glad I'm out here.
6:53 am: Good start to my run, I'm feeling not too bad.
1/2 mile: Yikes-those leg muscles are complaining already? I've only just started! How will I keep going further than even a mile? Maybe I'll keep it short today. Take it easy on myself.
3/4 mile: This is hard! How did I do 3 1/2 miles two days ago? I must be crazy to think I could do this again!
1 mile: Well, I made it at least a mile. I've got to hit that "groove" soon, right? It'll get easier, right?
1 1/4 miles: A short run wouldn't be too bad-after all, I'm only disappointing myself. My loss. (Or not, in the case of weight. I guess I'll keep going!)
1 1/2 miles: Is fitness really all it's cracked up to be? I mean really-is something this hard really that good for us? I could be at home enjoying the morning on my deck with a cup of coffee-no pain involved.
2 miles: I made 2! Not too bad. I guess I'll go for 3.
2 1/4 miles: It's getting a bit easier. Maybe I'll go for 3 1/2 and at least match my last run.
2 1/2 miles: A mother deer and her fawn! How absolutely gorgeous! Thank You Lord, for encouragement when I needed it! I think I can keep going.
3 miles: Well, I made it this far. I think I can do another 1/2 mile...
3 1/2 miles: You know what-I'm going for all 4! I haven't run 4 for years, but I think I can do it today!
3 3/4 miles: Is that the Rocky theme song I hear??
4 miles: I did it! I did it! Whew-that was hard, but so worth it!


And there you have it-a small peak into my mind as I struggle down the road. Every single morning that I'm out there I am reminded of the parallel between running and my spiritual life. This "diary" could easily be my thoughts as I go through my spiritual walk. Stepping out of safety and comfort to be challenged and to gain strength is difficult. I do it, but I generally hit that "wall" of pain and discouragement, not too mention weariness. There are moments of wondering if I wouldn't be better off back in my comfort zone. There are moments of rationalizing going back and quitting. And then, come moments of satisfaction and even of direct encouragement from God. They couldn't be from anyone else, so I keep going. And before I know it, I have gone farther than I've ever gone before. The joy in that moment is exhilarating and though it doesn't erase the pain and struggle that were a part of the journey, it makes it all worth while.

"And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Hebrews 12:1b-2a.

Intended for Good

I am moved today by the incredible blessing of the internet. In just the last couple of weeks I have been connected through it with several Godly women who write about their lives, their walk with God, and most importantly, about Him. I have been encouraged, made to laugh, moved to tears, and so incredibly blessed by words that reflect God's love and provision for us. What a gift in this world of busy lives that make relationship difficult! I have to confess to feelings of loneliness of late, but also have to confess to God's goodness as He has provided connection for me through something I have access to most of the time-the World Wide Web. How like our God to bring so much good out of something that also has the potential to harm. Today I praise Him for His sovereignty and for Godly women who serve Him with their words.

Rude awakening

I am soooo tired.
Bob and I were quite tired last night and were both very happy to have the opportunity to go to bed at a decent time-something's that hard to do on most nights. I fell asleep promptly and was as fast asleep as it is possible to be without the help of medication when the neighbour's dog frantically barked right outside our bedroom window. At 2:15 am. Talk about being jolted awake!
Our mama cat has 5 very cute kittens right now (want one?) and they have been spending their time on our deck. This particular dog, who happens to have a taste for kittens, has discovered this and stops by every now and then to visit. Each time he's come he has been chased away, injured (body and pride), by the mama, but for some strange reason he keeps coming back for more.
So last night at 2:15 AM he was loudly escorted off the premises, thereby interupting our blissful sleep. And you know how it is when you get woken up so quickly-you can't sleep again for a while. In our case-not until 3:30. And the alarm goes off at 6. Coffee anyone?
I do have to say though that I respect mama cat for her faithful protection of her babies. Neighbour dog is BIG - part Rotweiler and part German Shepherd. She's one tough cookie to fight him off. She's my hero today.
Now for some coffee.....

Pretty

A short while ago Bob and I and our kids were at the cabin with my parents. The morning schedule was such that I didn’t feel the need to do the usual hair and makeup routine, which is one of the best things of being out at the lake.
No one to impress or at the very least no one that would think any less of me for not trying to look my best. What struck me though as the day went on and I became a little self conscious was that in the eyes of my Dad and
husband, I was beautiful. They probably hadn’t even noticed that anything was different! For that moment I saw myself the way they see me and I was moved and humbled. They hadn’t said anything and to this day have no idea I even had these thoughts, but right then, I KNEW that they love me simply because of who I am and because I am their daughter or wife. They’ve told me that countless times, but on that day, I actually got it and believed it. I am moved by such a pure love and humbled as I address my insecurities and vanity in light of such love and acceptance.

Now, I know that despite my daily attempts at looking my best, I will never be model material or even head turning. I know that and I’m OK with that. What this has revealed to me is how much value I have been putting on my image and appearance. I wanted people to see me at my best at all times so that they would think (I knew the real truth) that I had it together and was worthy of their admiration. Boy, that’s ugly when I write it down, but as I study “No Other Gods” by Kelly Minter, God is revealing these areas of my life in which I have been putting way too much value and I think this is one of them. The very cool thing is that as He revealed this one to me that day, He did it through the very real love of the two most important men in my life. What grace and gentleness!

The other incredible thing this has revealed to me is that now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of that truth, I am motivated in a different way to be beautiful for them. Funny how the freedom to not worry about how I looked on the outside has motivated me to be my best for them. I want them to be proud of me and to take delight in me. So I do what I can to look fresh and pretty, but now with complete freedom . The difference is significant because it comes from a feeling of acceptance, not a need to impress others. If I am honest with myself , my attempts at beauty before this were not for them, but for the people out there that I wanted to have a good impression of me. It was a cover.

The real beauty that comes from real love and acceptance is worth a thousand times more than any admiration someone could give you for what’s on the surface.

I love that this revelation also addresses my relationship with Jesus. He sees me as beautiful too. Not because I have it together, but because I am His daughter and because He values who I am in Him. The freedom that comes from that moves me and humbles me as well, and in that I am drawn to Him in a new way. Nothing I do on the outside will affect His love, yet somehow, knowing that causes me to want to obey Him and stay near Him. Such purity and freedom! It can only be found in Him and I am thankful.

Lies

I am feeling the sting of rejection, and it hurts. And like the sting of an insect, the pain doesn’t go quickly, it lingers and aches even after the initial shock is over.

I feel like I am shouting words of love that simply aren’t heard. How could things go so wrong when we started out with such hope and promise?

How can my love not be enough?

Someone I love more than my own life can’t see that I do. Somewhere along the way lies have been spoken into her ears and she has accepted them as truth. I am reminded of something I read earlier this week- “Satan will tell us what’s true, but he never tells us the truth.” (Michael Wells) Some of what this person is clinging to is true, but it is not the truth. What destruction comes from this!

And then I am challenged to remember that once again, God knows exactly how I feel. How often does He shout words of love into my life that I simply don’t hear? How often do I buy the lies when the truth is right in front of me? His heart must ache as He waits for me to see His Truth.

So I will wait too. Wait for her eyes to be opened and for her heart to be ready to accept what is here for her. Not perfection, but true nonetheless.

May that day come quickly.